Objectives

Conflict is everywhere. It is a part of life. In fact it is on the increase in our time. This is because of the increasing individual differences and diversification of the society. On the other hand, competition in economic, political and other fields is intensifying. With the increasing population physical space and resources are getting restricted. In such a background, we have to learn how to live amidst conflict, handle and resolve them constructively. This theme concentrates on educating children in conflict resolution. We can begin the discussion by attempting to understand its nature.

Definition

How do you respond to the question "What is a conflict?" You might say it is a

- a difference of opinion
- a clash of wants
- a situation that arises from a disagreement between two persons or several persons
- a broken relationship
- a vicious competition against one another

It is true to say that conflict arises from a difference of opinion. Inability to resolve conflict at the beginning, leads to complication and intensification. In the process of escalation of conflict your friend, colleague or neighbour with whom you have the disagreement, turns gradually to be your rival, opponent, antagonist and finally the enemy. The initial open and friendly situation that was there, at the beginning, becomes gradually tense and hostile.

Causes

Why do people get into conflicts? It is because of the other person's way of behaviour. When two or more people are at conflict their interests may be concerned with,

- commodities at stake, e.g. object, land, money.
- opportunities at stake, e.g. opportunity for gain, privileges
- principles and values at stake, e.g. religious beliefs, ideologies, cultural valves
- territory at stake, e.g. house, land, physical space, road, status
- relationship at stake, e.g. trust, promise, personality clashes

You can take any conflict you know and identify the interest perceived at stake by the parties. It may be one interest or combination of several interests. Ross Stinger (1967) defines conflict as "a situation in which two or more human beings desire goals, to which they perceive as being obtainable by one or the other but not both." According to the definition a conflict is made of three components. They are:

- Situation where the conflicting parties view each other as competitors, or having mutually competitive interests or wants.
- Attitudes, e.g. leading to hostility and frustration.
- Behaviour, e.g. threatening, destructive, egoistic, opposing, withdrawing acts.

This model of conflict is simple and useful in analysing a conflict. (See: Michell 1981)

Can conflicts be constructive?

As we said earlier, experiencing a conflict is unpleasant because of the tense feelings it produces. Intensive conflicts are associated with a flood of anxiety, confusion, suffering and negative emotions. However, this state of mind can be transformed into a positive state with a sense of challenge, efficiency and strength. It depends on the way you look at the conflict. If you look at it from a constructive attitude, then you feel positive. To have a positive attitude towards a conflict is to take it as a challenge and opportunity for development and self-correction. Next time you are confronted with a conflict, ask yourself, "What are the opportunities it can bring for me? How can I develop myself through this situation? What is the learning it brings for me?"

Conflicts become destructive simply because of the lack of skills in handling them. If they are handled properly towards positive results, it will bring growth, and renewed relationship, sense of fun and self-confidence. Recall a conflict you have resolved constructively. Destructive conhict occurs when the value of the conflict is not understood and when you react with negative emotions to it.

In a constructive approach to conflict resolution. you:

1. Control your negative emotions.
2. Listen actively.
3. Speak efficiently.
4. Deal with the other, as a person with a problem, need and human reaction.
5. Face the issue directly and precisely.
6. Separate the problem from the person and adopt a problem-solving approach.
. 7. Show understanding and be understood.
8. Be willing to change your position in face of facts and reason.
9. Use a sense of humour.
10. Generate alternatives acceptable to both you and the other person.
11. Speak to the point.
12. Use interpersonal shills.
13. Be persistent.

Steps in Conflict Resolution

Our general tendency when confronted with a conflict is to attempt to win, by defeating the other. This pushes the other person also to adopt the same approach. As a consequence a destructive competition emerges out of the situation. There are four possible solutions to any conflict. Let's name the two parties in a conflict as A and B. The possibilities are.

It is easy to understand possibilities of (1) and (2) when one person wins, by defeating the other. In the third possibility both parties are defeated. An example for it would be a situation in an organization where two officers assault each other and as a result both of them get sacked. The ideal solution is the fourth possibility where both parties win. That means they resolve the problem in such a way, that both are satisfied. But that does not necessarily mean you win on your own the predetermined wishful way. In the course of negotiation for solving the problem each party has to give up certain things in order to gain other things. Only then can they arrive at common ground. The conflicting parties should co-operate with each other by adjusting their positions to reach a solution, satisfactory for both of them.

In a conflict the solution in reached through undergoing three basic stages:

1. Confrontation
2. Negotiation
3. Implementation.

Let us see the way to work towards a satisfactory solution through the three stages.

Confrontation is the stage when the difference surfaces. As a consequence, the parties feel disturbed and even threatened in their position. However it is easy to discuss the problem openly at this initial stage. In this stage they can:

1. Define the problem in terms of needs of the people involved

In this context, it is important to know the meaning of the word 'need'. At the core of any conflict lie the needs of the conflicting parties. In faet a conflict is a two or more sets of needs pulling in different directions. Whenever a person finds his need is threatened, the natural reaction is to be defensive. Fear is inbuilt in defence. Thus need and fear go together.

One day I burst into anger with the stationmaster; when he announced that the train was delayed. It was the$rst day of my examination. Instantlyfear arose in me that the delay of the train might lead to faiiure in the examina- tion.

Every need generates a fear of possible loss. To understand a conflict, you have to identify the underlying needs and fears of the others as well as your own. However people's needs are mostly covered up by their wants. A want is different from a need. A want is born out of desire. In other words, a want is a wishful intention, whereas a need is real, in the sense that you can't survive without it. For instance:

1%~ are thirsty, and you get angry with the village shopkeeper for not hav- ing your particular brand of sweetened drink. In this instance what is your need? In fact, your real need is water to quench thirst.

In the above situation you have confused want with need. The implication for conflict resolution here is not to get upset by people's demands or their wants. See through their wants and identify the needs underlying them. Each person in conflict has to identify one's own needs as well as the other's needs. For this you have to avoid blaming and use such expressions like: "What I need here is . . . . . . . ..." "1 feel upset when you behave this way, because . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ". "Tell me what is your real need?"

2. Agree with the definition of the problem with the other party

A conflict cannot be resolved unless the parties come to a common definition of their problem. For instance, they should agree to what the exact problem is. For example, in a conflict with someone, I say one thing and the other says another thing as to what the conflict is. Then we cannot solve it. This situation is obvious in any ongoing conflict around you.

Negotiation is the process of reaching a common and fair agreement on a solution to a problem affecting two or more parties. In negotiating you ask questions for getting to know the problem from the other's side, and trying to explain your side. Having thus established the understanding both of you try to find a win-win solution. In negotiating you ask questions to steer the negotiation on the right track. You may seek specific clarifications on the issues and the needs of the other person. Active listening is an important skill in negotiation. Active listening involves in giving your full attention to what the other person is saying, feeding back, encouraging deeper probing, supporting the other person's attempt to find solutions, and summarizing what is said.

3. Brainstorm possible solutions for both

Find with the other, the alternative solutions extensively to the problem. Don't get fixed to your position demanding the only way you want to solve the conflict. Take away the other person also from his fixed position by exploration of alternatives solutions, which are agreeable to both parties.

4. Select the best solution for both

Taking the alternative solutions one by one the parts can evaluate them eliminating the unacceptable ones to them. The evaluation of alternatives goes until they come to one alternative most agreeable to both.

Implementation is the final stage.

5. Implement solution

Means planning, setting agreed time target, and act according to agreed term of the solution.

6. Evaluate implementation

Find out how it works in practice and how people feel about the solution. Perhaps the parties may need some adjustments as the implementation takes place and the original problem might change. However, if the parties are not satisfied as things go they can restart negotiation.

In the procedure of conflict resolution, you need skills in active listening, assertiveness, conflict analysis and negotiation. Though the above sequence of steps seems formal, in a practical situation they may be mixed. However, to reach a solution in this manner both parties need to be honest, respectful to each other on an equal power basis. They must be willing to arrive at a consensus and co-operate with each other in finding a satisfactory solution.

Intended outcome

- Defining conflict
- Analysing a given conflict by the needs of the parties involved
- Valuing constructive resolution
- Effective resolution skills
- Ability to mediate.
Children's world of conflict

Children are not free from conflict. A teacher needs to know the nature and types of conflicts that children have. In helping them to learn conflict resolution the teacher can take examples and cases from their conflicts.

Conflicts at homes

- Jealousies among the brothers and sisters, by comparing with each other on what they get from parents.
- Problems of equal treatment, privileges and personal rights.
- Problems arising from carrying out their responsibilities.
- Inability to deal with parents' anger, negative comments and violence
- Deprivation of freedom to play, meet friends and express oneself.
- Deprivation of parents' love.
- Deprivation of physiological needs, e.g. food, proper shelter, owing to low income.
- Problems with elder brothers or bigger kids in the neighbourhood.
- Drunkenness of father disturbing peace at home.
- Instance of child abuse, e.g. severe punishment.
- Separation of parents.
- False accusations.

Conflict in school

- Name calling
- Being snubbed / being teased.
- False accusations.
- Fear of being unprepared, e.g. not having a pencil, not ready with homework, not having read the lesson.
- Misunderstanding by teachers.
- Negative remarks by teachers.
- Being cheated by a peer.
- Being deprived of opportunity to participation in activities that the child likes.
- Inability to buy things that the school requests.
- Physiological problems, e.g. hunger, low energy,
- Exclusion by peers.
- Adolescent growth problems.

The classroom should have open sessions where children can freely discuss and express their conflicts and problems. Unfortunately the traditional school is too busy to take into consideration this lively aspect of children's growth.

Classroom Practices

1. Find opportunities during the lessons in subjects like literature, history and social studies, to discuss concepts and methods of conflict resolution. Some events in the text provide good case studies for identifying the needs and fears of the conflicting parties, how they failed to reach agreement, their short-sightedness, and the ways they could have found a solution.

2. Appoint one or several classroom mediator/s or peace maker/s in order to help students to resolve their conflicts. This will give them an opportunity to practise conflicts resolution in actual situations. (See School Practices)

3. Organize special sessions/workshops for students on developing skills in active listening, concept analysis, negotiation and problem-solving.

4. Whenever you find vicious conflicts in students, get them to meet you, and do counselling in privacy helping them to understand each others' feelings, explore into their own consciousness to discover the deep cause for such behaviour and their inner unresolved problems. Get them to discuss and resolve their problems, by speaking out, listening to each other, proposing alternatives and finally agree upon a situation.

Hints to peace culture-building in school

1. Provide an opportunity for children to discuss their problems openly in the class.
2. Conduct staff development sessions on ways of improving relationships with the teaching staff and students.
3. Conduct session for parents, to draw their attention to children's problems. LEARNING ACTIVITIES

Resolve Conflict Non-Violently

l.What is a conflict?
This activity discusses the basic nature of conflict.
Level: Secondary.
Curriculum Concern: Social Studies/ history / When you want to discuss in history or literature.

Objective: Understanding conflict
Activity : Introduction.
Conflict is a part of our life. Although we do not like conflict, we have to face them in life.
Step 1.
Lets find synonyms for conflict, e.g. quarrel, fight.

Ask each student to write down on a piece of paper the immediate feelings, reactions, memory, or thoughts that come to his or her mind when they hear the word 'conflict' (Expected responses: anger, assault, violent behaviour, harsh words, etc.)

Step 2.

Ask them to write a definition of conflict. And read it out to the class. Putting together the best concepts, in their definitions find a comprehensive definition. Write it on the board.

e.g.. Conflict is a situation between two parties over a disagreement on an issue in which they have a common interest.

Step 3.

Divide the class into five groups. Give them five minutes to select a type of conflict and rehearse role-playing it.

Each group present their role-play to the class. Every presentation is followed by a discussion with a view to understand the nature of the conflict.

Discussion: Guide questions.

1 What did you learn about conflicts?
2 What are the basic types of conflicts?
3 Why do people have conflicts?

Build a summary of the discussion on the board.

2. Count Squares

This is an activity that helps to understand that individuals have different perspectives.

Level: Upper primary and lower secondary.
Curriculum concern: Social studies / When you want to give a brainteaser to create interest in solving problems.
Objective: Understanding that people differ in their perspectives.

Activity. Step 1
Draw the following square on the board.
How many squares are there here?
Give five minutes to count the squares individually and write down the count on a piece of paper.

Step 2:
Let students show their counts to others. Group the students according to their counts. Then the groups are requested to prove that their number is correct. Discussion: Guide question

1. Why the counts are so different in the class?
2. What can we learn from this experience?
(Let children come out with the following responses.)
a People see the same thing differently.
a. To say I am right and you are wrong is misleading.
b. We can look at an issue either narrowly or broadly. People who look at it narrowly may say that there is only one square. People who look at the above puzzle broadly may see many squares.
c. When we 'look at something broadly, we begin to see new aspects or components.
d. Conflicts arise from a difference of perspectives between parties.
e. By discussing the, differences we can arrive at agreeable positions.

3. The story of the two donkeys

This is on activity about co-operation problem-solving

Level: Primary

Curriculum concern: Language / Story time.

Objectives: Understanding that conflicting parties can resolve their problems through mutual discussion.

Activity: Narrate the following story

There were two donkeys tethered at either end of a short rope around their necks in a stall. On one corner of the stall there was a heap of grass, and stack of straw in the opposite corner One donkey eats only grass, while the other one eats only straw.

The first one tried to reach the heap of grass. At the same time, the second one also tried to reach the stalk of straw, In this way the poor donkeys were caught to a tag war The harder they tried, the more they cut their necks by the rope. Their struggle was desperate.

Step 2.

Ask the student how they would suggest resolving this conflict between the two donkeys. Note their suggestions on the board until you get the correct one. Explain how they resolved the solution:

The two donkeys at last realized that it was pointless to struggle against each other TheJirst donkey said to the other, "Friend by competing against each other neither you nor I will win. We only get our necks cut. Let us co- operate. When I reach the heap of grass you come with me and wait until I eat it. Then I will.follow you to the stack of straw. I will wait until you finish eating. "

They agreed on the solution. Instead of competing with each other in this way, they were able to resolve the problem through mutual co-operation, amicably. Such settlements are called win- win solutions, because bothpar- ties feel they have won or gained.

Step 3.

Divide the students into five groups and ask them to draw the five stages of the two donkeys' problems. On completion display their drawing.

4. Conflict over an orange

This is an activity about understanding people's needs in conflicts. Level: Secondary

Curriculum concern: Social studies/ when you discuss causes of war / conflicts. Objective:

Enabling to identify the needs of parties in conflicts. Activity: Present the following case study.

Sita was getting ready to leave for her school. She went to the orange tree andplucked the only ripe orange that was in the tree.

On seeing it, Kamal, her elder brothel; came and snatched away the orange from her saying that it belonged to him. They began quarrelling. Hearing the quarrel, their father came to them and tried to settle the con- flict. He said, "Cut the orange into two halves, and have your half" "No: I don 't want half" said both in disagreement. Both wanted the full orange. It was out of season and there were no oranges in the market to buy

Step 2.

Having presented the case, ask the students to propose solutions, on behalf of the father.

Explain the following points during the discussion.
Underlying people's conflict they have strong needs. Conflict is a situation where two or more needs pull in different directions.

People accept solutions to their conflicts only if they satisfy their needs. Now let's see how Sita's and Kamal's conflicts were resolved finally. Sita said that she would not go to school tf she didn 't get the full orange. Both of them wanted the single orange. Finally father asked Kamal, " Why do you want this orange? "

"I want to have a glass of orange juice, with a halfI can 't have it, " Kamal replied.

Then father asked Situ the same question.

She said : "I have our home science lesson today. Last week Ipromised my teacher to bring an orange to make marmalade. We need some orange peels to make marmalade. "

After listening to their needs father peeled the orange and gave the orange flesh to Kamal andpeels to Situ. They were satisfied about the solution and ended the conflict.

Discussion: Guide questions.

a. What kind of solution was it? (Win-lose or win-win)
b. Why did they agree to the solution?
Comment: Since a problem arises from both the parties, it is the responsibility of both parties to resolve it co-operatively.

Do you agree with the following attitudes about conflicts?

A mango plant that grew on the fence in between your land and the neighbours land. It started bearing fruits in this season. One day your neighbour comes and tells you that the mango tree belongs to him. You tell him it is yours. In fact nobody knows who planted the tree on the fence.

Step 2.

Let us see various types of solutions available to this conflict. The possible solutions are:

Discuss. First possibility is that you win and the other loses.

Under this solution, you own the tree by use of force, threatening him or else you pluck the fruit in his absence.

The second possibility is that you lose and the other wins. Under this possibility he owns the tree in the same ways given above.

The third possibility is that you lose and the other loses, i.e. both parties lose. It can happen here if one of you cut down the tree.

The fourth possibility is that you win and the other also wins. This is called a win -win solution where, both parties feel they have gained. Here several alternatives are available.

For instance, both of you can share the fruit equally or you can have the yield in one season and the other in the next season.

Step 2: Role-play.

The class is divided into four groups. Each group is assigned to select two participants and role-play the dialogues of one of four possible solutions. They practise for some time and stage it in the class.

6. Controlling anger

This is an activity about discovering the ways of controlling anger.

Level: Secondary.

Curriculum concern: Religion /when you have reconciled a conflict in the class. Objective: Understanding the need and the ways of controlling anger.

Activity: Step 1

Present the following case.

Kumar was waiting in a long queue at the bus stand to get into a bus. He was impatient and the bus was late. Then he saw a person comingfrom somewhere outside and stood in front of the queue. It was unfair: Kumar went to him and demanded to go and stand at the end of the queue. That person said, "No I won 't do that. Do whatever you can. " Kumar could not control his anger. He assaulted the person in a fit of anger

Resolve Conjlict Non- Kolently 201

On seeing that a policeman came and took both of them to the police station, where they had to spend the whole morning. Finally they had to apologise to each other and come out. Kumar was advised by the police to refrain from assaulting people.

Discussion Step 2.

1. What made Kumar assault the person?

(Let a student come forward and speak as Kamal to explain what went on in his mind)

2. Can you narrate an incident you know, where people committed destructive acts under the impulse of anger?

Step 3.

Students are asked to work in groups and make a list of instructions about ways of controlling anger. They present the methods. Do a follow up discussion with each presentation. Include the following methods of anger control if they are missing.

1. Have you ever seen how an angry person shouts and threatens the others? Have you been subjected to such a situation? What is the right way of behaving when a person explodes in anger with you?

2. In such situations, some people will become submissive, silent and passive. Some other people will be aggressive by reacting, abusing, threatening and assaulting. However being submissive as well as aggressive is not helpful. Often they lead to further aggravating or exacerbating the problem.

Step 2:

Let students go to groups and propose a list of instructions on the right way of dealing with an angry person.

Step 3:

Following each presentation bring about the following effective ways of dealing with angry persons.

A guide to deal with angry people

Take students to an open space. Ask students to pair with a partner. Name the two lines as A and B.

Request the pair to stand face to face, to raise their palms to shoulder level, and keep them on each other's palms, in a position ready to push.

Then give a command to line A: "When I count 1,2,3, at the point of 3 push your palms against the palms of the other one standing in front of you.

Give the command.

Step 2.

Let the students sit in a circle for the discussion.

You invite a student to come to the middle to do a demonstration of the> previous act with you. The student stands against you in the pushing position. You say, "Start". When the student pushes against your palms allow him to fall towards you, by not pressing against him. As he falls towards you, embrace him.

Discussion : Guide Questions

1 Stand up those who pushed back.
2 Hands up those who did not push back?
3 Remind that you commanded only those who were in line A line to push.

You never ask those in line B to push back. Why did they push back?
Discuss our tendency to resist violence by violence.

e.g To react to name calling by name calling.

To react to anger by anger.
To react to assault by assault.
To react to hate by hate.

Turn the attention of the class to what you did (You did not push back. It led the opponent to fall. You embraced him. The struggle ended in friendship.)

What does my way of behaviour represent? Get students' responses:

(Expected responses)
- Not to resist evil by evil.
- To react to bad by good.
- To react to hatred by compassion.
- To react to violence by non-violence.
9. Constructive conflict resolution

This is an activity, about constructive conflict resolution.

Level: Secondary

Curriculum concern: Class room management /When you want to introduce peaceful ways of conflict resolution among students.

1. Conflict is a part of life.
2. Though it is unpleasant, yet it can be resolved constructively and end happily.
3. Recall a conflict, and tell us how you experienced it.
(Expected responses)
1. Shock
2. Anger
3. Suffering
4. Frustration
5. Restlessness

Step 1.

1. We have to identify conflict in its early stages. Conflict is easy to resolve at the beginning.
2. Conflict needs to be handled well so that it does not turn out to be destructive.
3. Let us brainstorm, how people behave destructively in conflict. (Expected responses)

- Blaming the other
- Threatening
- Challenging
- Destroying property
- Impulsive behaviour

4. How can such conflict end?
(Expected responses)

1. Turning the other into an enemy.
2. Escalation of conflict.
3. Resentment.
5. When people resolve conflicts constructively how do they end?
(Expected responses).

- With mutual satisfaction.
- Renewed relationship
- Improvement of self-confidence
- Self-development
-Learning

Step 3.

Students get into groups and identify the characteristics of handling conflict destructively and constructively. They complete the following chart.

Destructive Approach Constructive Approach

e.g. 1, Emotional behaviour 1. Mature behaviour
2. Anger 2. Patience
3. Aggression 3. Assertion
4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . ..*........

Step 4
Discussion

Appreciate and elaborate good points in students' charts.

1. Use the following guide to enrich the discussion.

Conflict Resolution

Destructive Approach Constructive Approach

1. Emotional behaviour 1. Mature behaviour / Emotional control
2. Anger 2. Patience
3. Aggression 3. Assertion
4. Short-sighted 4. Long-sighted
5. Blunting the person 5. Separating the person from the problem
6. Threatening 6. Inviting discussion
7. Not listening 7. Active listening
8. Demanding the fixed solution 8. Searching for alternative solution
9. Egocentric 9. Problem-centred
10. Closed / non negotiable 10. Open/negotiable
10. Mediation

This is an activity, about understanding the mediation process.

Level: Secondary.

Curriculum concern: Classroom management / when you want to inform the students about mediation.
Objectives: Learning mediation
Developing basic skills in mediation.
Activity : Introduction

1. When two parties in a conflict, which they find difficult to resolve by themselves, a third person can intervene between them and help to settle disrupter. This process is called mediation.
2. Mediation is stepping in between two conflicting parties to help resolve their problem.
3. The mediator should be an impartial person acceptable to both parties.
4. You can be a mediator when your friends are in conflict, and when they need someone to step in.

The Steps of Mediation:

1. Introduce yourself as a mediator.
2. Listen to both the parties.
3. Get them to discuss their problem and suggest solutions.
4. Help them to select the most agreeable solution and settle the conflict.

Let us have a closer look at the steps :

Step I. Introducing yourself as a mediator.
Ask the parties, whether they like you to help them to come to a settlement. Take them to a quiet place.

Step 2: Listening to both the parties.

Ask party A to explain what has happened. Party B should listen, without interruption.

Secondly, ask party B to explain what has happened. Party A should listen without interruption.

You ask them more questions, get the matter clarified, to other parties and you as well.

Step 3: Get them to discuss.

Ask them to discuss how to resolve their problem.
Let each party suggest alternative solutions.
Encourage them to explore good solutions.

Step 4: Help them to select the most agreeable solution.

They have to come out with suggestions until they find the most agreeable one. Once they find the agreeable solution, help them to plan the implementation of the agreed solution. How not to restart it after the settlement. What they should do and shouldn't do with regard to the problem.

Congratulate both parties for their co-operation given to mediation.
Precept the following case study to the class.
Prem and Janak are studying in the same class. Prem complains Janak is nicknaming him. It is really hurting him. Prem has requested him several times to stop it. But he didn 't care. This prompted Prem also to retaliate by nicknaming Janak. As a consequence they had a heated argument and even- tually they started fighting. The resentment is continuing.

Invite three students to come to the front and role-play the three characters. Prem Janak and a mediator.

As a facilitator guide them through the four steps of mediation described above.

Discussion: Guide questions.

1 What is mediation? Explain it in your own words.
2 Why should a mediator be impartial?
3 What are the difficult situations, a mediator can face in helping to settle conflicts?
4 What are the skills necessary to mediate conflict?
5 "A mediator is only a helper. He does not force his solution on the parties. The parties in conflict should come out with the solution." Comment on the statement.