Personal, Family and Social Values

Dr. S. Dandapani

Former Professor, Regional College of Education, Mysore

Introduction

Among God's creations man is supposed to occupy the pride of position at the top. In the scale of evolution birds and animals are left far behind. How does it happen? The possession of mind and its manifold manifestations demarcate the "homo sapiens" from the sub-human species. However, mastery of mind alone contributes to the well-being of human beings. This is possible when one's basic needs are met. Men and animals share common needs that are primarily physiological. These are vital for survival. Animals rest contented, when their basic needs for survival are met. But, men are not satisfied merely with the fulfilment of the basic needs. The mind within man prompts him to go beyond are generate a host of needs. With limited needs and easier fulfilment animals roam around, relatively free from worries. Perhaps these creatures enjoy a kind of equanimity which eluded those at the higher level of evolution.

The greater the multiplicity of needs the larger the scope for misery. Perhaps, our ancestors, the stone-age men, enjoyed this privilege of possessing limited needs. Men in metropolitan cities are constantly bombarded by several media that compete with one another in generating more and more needs. A needy person becomes greedy and sacrifices all values of life. Religion prescribes a personal code of conduct by which one can curtail one's needs and lead a contented family and social life. This antediluvian advice will have few takers. Who cares to listen to the pearls of wisdom of the enlightened apostles who chose real bliss in life than the pseudo-bliss lesser mortals are chasing!

Psychoanalytic Perspective: The ID

The basic building blocks with which every individual is endowed at birth, according to Sigmund Freud comprise the untamed, uncivilised, blind, instinctual impulses, always seeking immediate gratification regardless of social approval or disapproval. That is ID - primitive, selfish and destructive propensity. It lends itself for expansion like, "I Demand", "I Desire", "I Destroy", the first two letters of the word, "Idiot" as well. No wonder, the deposed despot, cannibal, of Uganda was named "IDI AMIN". During early infancy parents are usually permissive and tolerant. Hence ID enjoys unbriddled expression. The baby especially the first one to parents, can demand anything and get it. ID is governed by PLEASURE PRINCIPLE, according to Freud. If grown-ups were to behave the way they did during infancy, the world would be a "Play-house". Everyone is forced to give up such infantile pleasures.

The EGO

As one moves upward from infancy to childhood and Adolescence - a perceptible change in behaviour is noticeable - a sort of restraint, a subdued expression of emotion, a spirit of tolerance and a give-and-take attitude, rudiments of sophistication and refinement, in tune with the WORLD OF REALITY. Stubbornness and primitive selfishness give place to acquiescence and accommodation. Contact with reality subdues the ID and thus the EGO or the SELF emerges.

The EGO is that portion of the psychic apparatus which is in contact with external reality. It develops out of the ID. Like the bark of the tree it protects the ID but draws energy

from the ID in order to accomplish this. Thus the EGO is created by the ID in an attempt to cope with the needs to reduce tension and increase pleasure. However, to do this, the ego must, in turn, control or modulate the ID's impulses so that the individual can pursue less immediate and more realistic approaches. Thus, according to Freud, the Ego is but the awareness of a struggle between the strivings of the ID and opportunities of the environment. A lid over the ID is essential for normal social living. The Ego is governed by REALITY PRINCIPLE.

The Superego

Living in a society necessitates conformity with social codes and cultural values. Children spend most of their time at home amidst parents and siblings. Parents tend to instill in them codes of morality, gently to start with. As years pass by, grown up children realise that violation of family-code would be frowned, met with reproof and eventually punishment. Even when parents are not present children tend to feel guilty whenever they transgress the codes and rules of conduct. Whenever a child receives punishment he develops a CONSCIENCE. Whenever he receives reward for approved behaviour EGO-IDEAL is formed. This incorporation or internalisation of the social expectation within oneself is termed INTROJECTION. Superego serves as a judge or censor over the activities and thoughts of the ego. It is the repository of moral codes and standards of conduct.

A weakened ego and superego would strengthen the ID that would spell catastrophe in society. A good home, a disciplined school and an integrated community-life would contribute toward wholesome development of values.

On becoming a Person

Deep within lies in every individual a powerful urge to grow up and blossom out as a PERSON-to be distinguished from the sub-human species. We might be struck at the majesty of an elephant or the ferocity of a tiger or the elegant plumage of a peacock. But in none of these cases, do we use the term PERSONALITY. It is reserved primarily for the members of the "HOMO SAPIENS".

Born as a helpless infant, totally dependent upon its mother for survival, the human baby grows, matures, develops, learns and comes to be reckoned as a PERSON among several persons in this world. It is a longitudinal process. Some leave a legacy - a landmark on the sands of time - to be cherished, remembered and revered for centuries. Others, nevertheless, do lead a quiet, dignified life, raising a family and fulfilling the purpose ordained by God.

Each person has a name while some earn a name in life. A flock of sheep or a herd of elephants do not seem to bear individual names while a congregation of men and women in a church greet each other by their individual names. The quest for everyone is to BECOME A PERSON. Let us pause and have a glimpse of the values cherished by a few persons of eminence!

Charles Dickens - The Novelist, Par Excellence

French Revolution chilled the blood of everyone. The atrocities perpetrated by the French Dictatorship paralysed life to such an extent that the citizens were mortally afraid even to whisper. Many lived and died in those dark days. Charles Dickens also lived and died. Not before he left an immortal classic for the posterity - A TALE OF TWO CITIES.

Born and brought up under poverty in England, son of a minor clerk in the Navy Post Office, young Dickens' childhood was spent under the shadow of economic insecurity. His father had to be lodged in the debtor's prison and his mother with four of her children went to join her husband in prison and young Charles was sent to work at a factory, where for six shillings a week, he had to do some menial job. Those few months were for Dickens a time of utter misery, humiliation and despair, the memory of which he could never quite shake off. What catapulted him to the pinnacle of glory as an outstanding novelist was sheer determination, solid will and an indomitable spirit to survive the worst of times and make it the best of times. The opening paragraph of his novel - "A Tale of Two Cities" cannot be rewritten better:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times;

It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness;

It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity;

It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness;

It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair".

Mahatma Gandhi - The Freedom Fighter

The British rule in India was so firm and unshakable that few would have foreseen that a frail-looking Mohandas Karamachand Gandhi would display such a motivational force to pack the British off the coast of Bombay. When Gandhi went to London to study Law he might not have had the faintest idea that he would defy the British rule and law with his weapon of NON-VIOLENCE. The humiliation he had to undergo in South Africa and the sufferings of fellow-Indians kindled his nationalistic spirits to fight for Human Rights. It was in South Africa, Gandhi practiced and perfected NON-VIOLENCE. Upon return to India, he turned a crusader for FREEDOM. Perhaps, he is the only person in the world with the honorific MAHATMA!

The Legacy of India

We should be proud of the fact that we live in a land where long long ago lived an extraordinary person - ADI SHANKARA - who could spread the ADVAITA PHILOSOPHY from Kanya Kumari to Kashmir at an incredible short span of life! Another legendary figure - SWAMI VIVEKANANDA - could mesmerise the galaxy of intellectuals at the WORLD PARLIAMENT OF RELIGIONS in Chicago, USA by his brilliant exposition of VEDANTA in his thirties! A money-lender-turned - saint, PURANDARA DASA and a nondescript devotee of Lord Rama, Saint THYAGARAJA could compose thousands of lyrics, that illumine the world of music to this day!

A Legacy Lost!

We are given a legacy, a heritage
And now, engrossed in selfish cares
What have we done with it?
The numerous souls of India's past
Would probably look down, hearts bleeding
At the impoverished state of affairs
And think - was it all a waste?
We the people of India
Struggled as one for years
Towards independence
And with blood, toil and tears,

We, men, women and children
Won Swaraj in 1947.
And now with sorrow, I come to realise
That, inspite of a united legacy
We live our lives divided
Inspite of an honest legacy
We live our lives corrupted.
Inspite of fighting for an independent legacy
The chains that once bound human kind
Have now bound the human mind.

— Smt. Radha Narayan, Canada

Value-Cultivation

Our lives are brightened or darkened, enriched or impoverished by the kind of ATTITUDES we bestow toward our fellow-human beings, and the VALUES we have imbibed and cherished. Among life's greatest blessings are LOVE and HOPE and TRUST - to help us do the things we "should" as well as we "must". LOVE, like a smile, when it is given away can lighten a burden or brighten a day. HOPE, like a candle, whose comforting light is a guiding hand - a lamp in the night. TRUST like faith, that with each day's dream, more joys will appear; more cares will be gone.

"The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose" observed KAHLIL GIBRAN, the Persian Poet!

Everyone has a house, very few have homes! One should feel homely at home and not lonely! Home lays the foundation for one's values of life. Home is meant for family-life. There is enough caring and sharing. Family is the training ground where children are raised into adulthood. Most of the problems of disturbed children originate in their early years. Some of the unworthy aspects of child-upbringing are: Overprotection, indifference, unfair comparison, extreme permissiveness, unrealistic level of aspiration, perfectionism, rejection and so on. Kids need love, support, warmth, trust, belongingness, helpful guidance, encouragement and above all worthy role-models for emulation.

SRI SATYA SAIBABA has a piece of advice for all of us.

Banking on God

We accumulate money in the bank with great care, by thousands of acts of sacrifice, saving on this item and that, spending less and earning more. But a day comes when we have to lose the pile and go empty-handed! But, there is another BANK, which receives deposits, and maintains accounts strictly and confidentially. Every little sum is entered and accounted for - deeds, thoughts and words, good, bad and indifferent. No son can sue for that AASTHI (Property), no tax gatherer can lay hands on it. No crook can transfer it to his purse. Open a Deposit Account in that BANK and you will have joy and peace. In that BANK the assets of the meritorious activities of previous births can be drawn upon now. Overdrafts are also possible. It is called the GRACE OF GOD. It is conferred when you have earned it by good deeds, good thoughts, good feelings, good company and constant repetition and recollection of the name of GOD. Just as you keep your valuables in safe deposit vaults, surrender your jewels of intelligence, cleverness, capacity to serve and the gem that you value most, your EGO to the care of GOD. Then, you can be perfectly happy.

*****